'I'm Leaving NYC Because The Subway Ads Are Garbage,' By Dr. Zizmor

All I ever wanted to do was rid the world of zits and transform the New York City subway into the rainbow kingdom of my dreams. When I used to visit the Big Apple as a little Ziz, nobody was buying anything they saw on the train. I would see rotten ads for cigarettes with the F-word spray-painted over it. Dirty pieces of cardboard soaked in asbestos. Manilla posters warning people that gingivitis was coming for your kids. I vowed one day I would move to the city that never sleeps and clean up th...